A Good Cry

Every now and then all of us need a good cry. Somehow it takes all the pent up frustration, anger, and emotion out of your system and leaves you with a sense of inner peace or calm. In the year since my dad's passing, I found that I've needed a good cry more often than I would have thought possible when I was younger.

As we approach the anniversary of my dad's passing, I can't help but reflect on everything that's happened in the last couple of years. Although the time has been short, it seems much more like a decade or so has passed in these last two years. In the span of two years, we've had to move to a new home, share a home with my parents, experience the wonderful introduction of Lauren into our lives, and lose a parent. It seems almost too much for just two years.

As I reflect, I can't help but wonder how much of this will I be able to preserve for Lauren, as so much changes so rapidly. Just a year has passed, and so much is about to change again. We've gone into contract on a new home, and that means we will have to move again over the summer. We will need to downsize which means I will have to decide what's important enough to keep, what memories and keepsakes make it to the next house and which ones will have to discarded. I want to save everything for Lauren, but I know that's not possible, so I'm sure I'll have another good cry very soon in my future. I want to keep the world stable for Lauren, so this should be the last move for a very long time. I can't help but compare that with my own childhood.

Between the ages of 0 and 5, my parents moved us around quite a bit, even after moving to the U.S. We lived in Baldwin and Uniondale on Long Island before settling into a home in Holbrook when I was 5. But from the age of 5 onwards, my parents never moved again until they retired, creating a stable home, somewhere you always knew you could go, if you couldn't go anywhere else. I want Lauren to have that same sense of security as she gets older. At least she should always know she can always come home.

Lauren and I have both been sick this week, I'm sure it's a cold she caught from daycare and passed on to me. But it's kept me rather inactive and lethargic and for her it meant spending the day at home yesterday because of her fever. Normally Lauren takes a two hour nap from noon until 2pm. It's part of her day care schedule and we try to keep her on that schedule when she's at home as well. Yesterday she went down for her nap at noon, but she woke up crying at 1pm. I held her and tried to comfort her as did my mom, but she only cried more when my mom tried to pick her up from my arms. She sobbed for an hour and 15 minutes, which is something she's almost never done before. I held her and tried to comfort her the entire time. Finally when I guess all the crying was out of her system she stopped and she was perfectly calm. She went and played with my mom and was content. I guess, like everyone else, all she needed was a good cry.