Chinese Character, American Circumstances

"I wanted my children to have the best combination: American circumstances and Chinese character. How could I know these two things do not mix? I taught [my daughter] how American circumstances work. ... She has learned these things, but I couldn't teach her about Chinese character. ... How to know your own worth and polish it, never flashing it around like a cheap ring. Why Chinese thinking is best." -Amy Tan, The Joy Luck Club

Amy Tan is able to express extremely well, emotion, feeling and a concept. Her quote, (I believe) explains how my parents feel about my sisters and myself. That in coming to America they thought they were giving us the best of both worlds, American circumstances and Chinese character. In many ways all of us have probably turned out better as adults than our parents expected, but I am also sure that in many ways we did not.

All during the time we were growing up, my dad referred to us as his "American" children when he introduced us to friends, relatives and acquaintances. Raising immigrant children is a tough balance. How do you instill enough Chinese culture into your children without making them complete outcasts on an American playground. Margaret Cho, a Korean-American comedienne, jokes about how she was the only one in her elementary school class using cooked pieces of rice for glue, and the only one with contents in her lunch box that she had no hope of trading for anything better. These are experiences almost any Asian growing up in America can relate to.

Overall, I think my parents leaned towards the American side (unlike most Chinese parents). We were given greater freedoms than many of my Asian-American acquaintances. Consequently, I have to believe we might have less Chinese character than many other Chinese-Americans. Yet, at my core, I feel a deep tie to Chinese tradition, one that any one that knows me can tell you runs deep in my character. Does that say that reverse psychology works? What you don't force on your kids, is what they want?

That just leaves me wondering about the next generation. Michaela, Charlotte, Jonathan, Amelia, Daniel, Amber. I wonder how they will view their Chinese heritage, another generation removed from the country and the culture. When I have a child, I know I will consider his or her Chinese character an important part of his/her upbringing. How to integrate it into the parenting process will be a challenge, one that I hope I'm up to.

Hopefully that desire for Chinese culture integration will be enough. And that my child will treasure the Chinese part of their character, while enjoying American circumstances.